What makes you a control freak? For me it’s having my hand in everything going on. Hey if I don’t get it done than nobody else will. Being a control freak has its positives and its negatives, but the aftermath of being a control freak seems to break a lot of women down. What needs to be realize is that we don’t have to do it all. Asking for help is not a sin its gaining clarity for yourself. For me it’s difficult to give people control over certain things especially when it involves my children. It’s bad to the point where I snatch responsibilities from my husband with being a father to our children. The thing is I never noticed it until I feel overwhelmed with doing everything. From sun up to sun down I was doing some kind of responsibility without asking for help. Because of this I found myself down spiraling into sadness, anger, jealousy, negative thinking, and not taking care of myself. I would turn into the crazy, ranting person waving the white flag and demanding for someone to save me by lending a helping hand.
One day I was talking to my mama and was going on and on about feeling overwhelmed and doing everything. My mama simply responded “You set that up. You take responsibilities from people and then want to get mad when you feel like you doing everything. Start asking for help and it will get better.” Start asking for help. I can’t ask for help I’m an adult. I’m supposed to have everything figured out. Was the negative thought I was thinking. Not listening to this very important women who had all this wisdom, I decided to continue what I was doing and just find a coping skill to help manage.
My wakeup call begin when I gave birth to my third child. I still continued to be super women. Even though I was emotionally and physically drained, I set up this make believe world that things were okay and I can show how strong I am working full-time, taking care of my three children and husband and work on my educational goals all at the same time. I was the super women that could master anything that came my way. OHHH sister girl I broke down. One morning, after being up most of the night with the baby, I was awaken early the next morning to my ladies very hungry and wanting breakfast. “Omg I am tired but my children still need to be fed.” My thinking was. Now I never thought to wake my husband up to help with morning duties, so I put on the cape and began preparing breakfast for my ladies. Pouring the oatmeal into the bowl I was suddenly overwhelmed with anger and sadness and quickly broke down crying in front of my children. My children are so caring asking me what was wrong. I couldn’t even look at my little girls because I didn’t want to show them weakness. I’m supposed to show strength. I responded “mommy just tired that’s all ladies I’m ok.” My oldest child said “mommy we will sit with our brother while you go clean your face.” At first I said no and continued on with making breakfast. But something popped into my head that made me realize that I’m not only snatching responsibilities from my husband I’m snatching it away from my children as well. They want to help but I’m not allowing them to do so. I LET GO OF MY EGO, It was at that point in time I accepted her offer and went to the bathroom to clean my face and look at myself in the mirror. “You have to stop. “ I told myself. I had to become aware and comfortable with the fact that I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING. Sometimes I need help and when I ask for it, it doesn’t make me less of a woman or mother. From that point forward I quit thinking and feeling like everything is on my shoulders. If people want to help let them. If you want to ask for help, Ask. You are not alone and there are people that care about you that want to help.
Practicing accepting help and asking for help, I feel so relieved. I DELEGATE TASK to my husband and some to my children to help with things around the house or with our new baby. It makes me happy knowing that I’m teaching my children responsibilities and watching them get better at it. GIVING UP CONTROL of the small stuff that my husband, children or someone else can handle, I can say I am happier and can sneak a little me time for myself while in the midst of getting help;) So to all my MindfulSistahs out there that are control freaks you are not alone. Seek help and accept help. It is okay to have someone responsible for something or take one thing off the plate that is causing overflow. Remember MindfulSistahs you can do anything but not everything. Stop being a control freak! TAKE THE CAPE OFF!!
Below are tips from an article 4 Ways to Stop Being a Control Freak
- Let Go Of Your Ego
Take yourself down a notch. You’re great, but so are others. You have to share the spotlight and let others use their skills. Believe it or not, you’re not the best at everything.
- Delegate To Others
Start small. Train people how to do things if they aren’t familiar. See what it feels like to rely on others to do the work. And enjoy how good it feels to watch them blossom with the added confidence you’ve shown in them.
- Acknowledge You Can’t Control Everything
Give yourself a break and learn to go with the flow now and again. Once you see everything works out just fine without your intervention, you’ll get more comfortable with the idea.
- Completely Give Up Control In One Small Area Of Your Life
Make a conscious decision to completely give up control in one small area of your life. Maybe you’ll let others decide what’s for dinner. Maybe you’ll go on vacation without planning a single excursion. Maybe you’ll just take a walk without knowing where you’re going. Whatever you choose, let the circumstances and people around you take the lead. Bite your tongue, sit back and relax. You’re a passenger. Enjoy the view.
Use at least one of these 4 ways to control your freakazoid habits and share your experience below. Look forward to seeing post of progress from my MindfulSistahs.
Was this post beneficial to you? Share your comments below.